Dear Annie: My husband and I have been together for over 30 years. He was married once before and has two adult children.
His previous marriage was a nightmare, ending in a bitter divorce. His ex caused significant division within the family, subjected their children to unnecessary scenes, and behaved so erratically that my husband was granted a protective order against her. She never apologized to him for her actions and even went as far as calling the police during visitation exchanges, falsely accusing him of harassment.
On one occasion, she and her sister created such chaos at my husband’s sister’s house that his sister had to obtain a peace order to keep her away.
Now, my stepdaughter has taken it upon herself to invite her mother to family events on my husband’s side, such as Easter and Christmas Eve. My husband, who never bad-mouthed his ex to their kids, should have set boundaries long ago but didn’t. I’m also hurt by my sister-in-law, who never liked the ex but avoids confronting my stepdaughter to keep the peace.
I’ve decided not to attend any event where the ex might be present. She blamed me for the breakup, even though I had nothing to do with it, and I feel strongly that she has no business at these gatherings. My late mother-in-law used to say the ex must not have heard the judge declare them divorced.
Am I wrong to feel this way? -- The Real Mrs.
Dear The Real Mrs.: The way you signed your letter comes across as very possessive over your husband. It’s understandable that you feel hurt and frustrated by this situation, especially given the history with his ex. That said, family dynamics are complicated, and your stepdaughter may feel caught in the middle and believe including her mother is the right thing to do.
Your husband’s reluctance to set boundaries, while frustrating, might stem from his desire to avoid further conflict with his children. Instead of focusing solely on how you feel, try to consider how your stepdaughter might feel. This perspective could help you develop a more compassionate tolerance for the situation.
Consider having an honest, calm conversation with your husband about how this impacts you. Share your feelings without criticizing his decisions or his children. If you feel strongly about not attending events where his ex is present, that’s your choice and a boundary you can set for yourself.

News Source : https://www.oregonlive.com/advice/2025/01/dear-annie-i-refuse-to-attend-any-event-where-my-husbands-chaotic-ex-might-be-present.html