Dear Annie: My wife and I have been very blessed. We both were able to find and keep jobs in our chosen fields and worked through the years without any layoffs, slowdowns, serious illnesses, etc. We made good middle-income wages, and we always lived within our means while saving for retirement. We made some good investments along the way and were able to retire at age 60.
On the other hand, my brother and his wife switched jobs often and lived a life of “keeping up with the Jones.” They always complained about not having enough money but then would go out and borrow money for a new car or to take a vacation. That was all none of our business, but we did worry about them.
Now that they are retired, they are finding that living the high life is more difficult, but the spending continues, along with increased complaints. My wife received a lot of guilt from them when we recently took a trip to Europe for our anniversary. Then we began to get comments like, “We wish we could do that,” or, “It must be nice.” And we have heard from a mutual friend that my brother frequently makes remarks about our lifestyle. Keep in mind that we are still living within our means, but our savings and investing habits over the years have put us in a position to have some fun.
Recently, we purchased a vacation home in a warmer climate. That’s when all hell broke loose with my brother, as he accused us of trying to show off for our friends or just working to make them look bad. We haven’t argued about this, but it is getting harder and harder to listen to him go on about this, when we really don’t think we should have to alter our life just to keep him off our back. My sister-in-law doesn’t say much, but we’ve heard that she talks to other family members about this.
On one hand, I think that our finances are none of their business, but then the remarks have gotten so frequent that when we are talking about a trip or going to the vacation home, we catch ourselves asking each other if we should keep these things a secret from my brother and sister-in-law so we don’t have to put up with the snide remarks. It’s not that we boast about things we do, but we do think it important to let our family members know when we will be traveling in case there is some type of family emergency.
I don’t want to cause a rift in the family, but I would like to put a stop to this. I have talked with my brother about how his remarks make me feel, and he apologizes and then continues with his old behaviors. It has gotten so bad at times that we have thought of moving permanently to the vacation home just to be out of the reach of their comments. Any ideas for solving this situation? -- Tired of The Guilt Trips

News Source : https://www.oregonlive.com/advice/2025/01/dear-annie-how-can-we-stop-my-spendthrift-brothers-snide-remarks-about-how-we-enjoy-our-retirement.html